I was at a friend's son's birthday party last weekend. We were all huddled around the parents, and the kid, with the cake and everything. No one seemed to be taking the initiative to start singing happy birthday. The parents didn't wanna do it. So I screamed out "1, 2, 3, happy birthday ..." and everyone magically followed suit. I felt really good about that. All those years of idolizing Papa Smurf and watching him be this unsung paternal hero who leads others with his profound words seemed to have paid off.

After everyone had done singing, and while everyone was applauding, I screamed "speech, speech". I thought it'd be funny given that the kid had just turned 1. But my funniness got muffled in the applause and no one heard what I said. Except for this prick guy who was standing right next to me. Just as the applause ends, he yelps "speech, speech, speech, speech, speech" like a baby howler monkey and everyone just erupts into laughter. I looked at him as if to say what the hell, but he was avoiding eye contact. The guy had clearly stolen my joke. I wanted to confront him after, but didn't think it'd be appropriate with all the kids around. So I rolled my elmo-napkin in to a ball and threw it at him (from behind) later.

Everyone thinks he is a funny guy now, and that I'm someone who just loves to sing (happy birthday). So unfair.

"ai"