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Harry Potter and the Temple of Doom

Harry Potter and the Temple of Doom

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After Hogwarts, our young wizard had contemplated a career in the Ministry of Magic, but thought he could make more money in Finance. Thanks to his patron, Ambus Dumbledore, he started out as a database analyst in the technology department of Dumbledore Bank, where most of his colleagues were muggles with no clue about magic.

It was his one chance for a normal life.

But Lord Voldemart had been there before him.

The bank had assumed a large position in opaque securities called fumbles. The banks data architecture was at sixes and sevens and management had no clue of the real risks they were running. Worse still, their positions had been copied by other firms - dancing the Dumbledore dance - and fumbles were a ticking time bomb waiting to blow the financial system apart.

Voldemart's scheme had an evil twist. By linking all the transactions together and then creating new ones called hypothetics, he allowed the banks to bet against each other's positions without the need for capital to support them.

Professor Alastor Moody, a former teacher of Harry's, had since become an advisor to the Federal Reserve's Department of Wizardry, thanks to his seminal piece on 'The Role of Magic in Managing Markets." A Voldemart supporter in disguise, he was an impassioned fan of the new market for incomprehensible securities.

Dumbledore Bank's systems were ancient and fragmented, written in codes understood only by masters of the dark arts. Scores of aged programmers were kept artificially alive to support languages long since forgotten.

Harry was tempted to wave his magic wand and link all the data together. Frightened that it might be seen as some new form of tablet, launching a craze of irresistible wand buying, Harry decided to look into his book of spells for an alternative formula.

Being a legend in the wizard world didn't count for much in IT where magic had long been abandoned. But Harry realized that by creating an alternative architecture in the world of wizardry he could do all his processing outside the bank at a fraction of the cost with incredibly more speed and security.

This allowed the bank's exposures to become more transparent even to the board of Dumbledore Bank.

Their positions were reversed and the market saved.

Frustrated in his dark plans Voldemart had another scheme in mind. He would release details of the bank's deepest secrets to the public. For details on how Harry responded, see next week's exciting installment.

 

With apologies to J.K. Rowling