I'm taking a stand. In utter protest of having to work the past two months without a single work day off, I’m going to require a few changes. Microsoft may regain my hard work efforts if the following demands are met:

I will be allowed to sit at home and do nothing.

“Home” is here by defined as a beach somewhere.

I shall not be bothered about petty issues involving “meetings” or “schedules” or “omgthebuildisdown!fixitfixitfixit!!”

Resolving bugs? Ha! Hahaha…haha…

Anyone who dare tries to email me will get a little “Blah blah, I don’t have to do that, talk to someone else” message.

Coworker jealousy is a must.

My boss shall be demoted to “message courier” and handle all problems that would normally require my incredible abilities.

PMs and Testers will mourn the loss of their amazing developer as their features come to a screeching halt, never to be worked on again until my glutinous desires for sloth have been fulfilled!

“Please, please, the ‘flux capacitor’ needs your immediate attention oh mighty developer!”

“Make with the finding someone else!” I say

Oh, and did I mention I will be paid for my efforts?

Yes, Microsoft must pay me in full. Doing nothing is damn hard work! Don’t I deserve be reimbursed for missing the “fun” of work? Yes, yes I do.

 So, see you in a few weeks, chumps.