In the past, when I've gotten into a heated discussion with someone, I've often been told to "relax" (which incidentally, has the opposite effect..."don't tell me to relax")...it was earlier in my career and it's possible that I needed to. I end up caring about stuff too much and really did sweat the details (plus I cared too much about being right, but that's not what this blog post is about) . I'm much better about that at work now.
Where I still struggle with the true art of relaxing is at home. My friends laugh at me because every time they ask how my weekend was, my response includes a list of projects I completed. July 4th weekend involved painting my bedroom (olive green in case you were curious), planting about 15 new plants in my backyard borders, cleaning the car inside and out, and the regular routine that involves doo-doo patrol (sorry...if you have a better euphemism, let me know), lawn mowing, dusting, vacuuming, etc. I guess sometimes I wonder why people get all excited about the weekends but then I realize that I do this to myself. I find it very hard to relax when there's something that obviously needs to be done and it's not done yet. It drives me nuts. How can I sit and enjoy myself in the living room when is so obvious to me that there's dog hair on my floor!? How?
Anyway, this last weekend was an experiment. First, let me admit this: I did have a project. I cleaned out my closet (15 garbage bags of clothes went to Goodwill today), but that was fun (so I am sick). This made me realize that I really do have a lot of clothing and I do not need to do laundry every weekend (I know, I'm going crazy here). Then I thought to myself : "Self, what if you just enjoyed the weekend and didn't mow the lawn either?". So last weekend, I simply relaxed, had dinner with my dad and step mother, watched TV, read magazines. And it did not kill me. But something did feel a little off.
And today, I've definitely thought about firing up the lawn mower when I get home. So I wonder how much of how I am is just how I am and how much can I change. So I like to have control over my environment...can I do it without giving up a big chunk of my weekends? In the past, I've told people "I can't invent time". Actually, I think messier people can. The thing is they have messy cars and homes. I want it all (including the goose that lays the golden egg if you must know and I want it NOW!...hee!). I want the totally in-control life and fun weekends. Is it possible? Come on, I know it's not just me....there are a few of you out there like this.
PS: And at least give me credit for giving up my subscription to Martha Stewart Living. But if you ever want to feel like you don't do enough, that's the magazine for you ; ) Because you are nobody unless you have deep fried your own turkey.