Last week, I saw the first advertisement for the dueling Apprentae masters: Trump and Martha (hmm, Trump's site isn't up but Martha's is!). Somehow, the sight of his cotton candy head makes me stop my Tivo. Darn you, Trump! Two plastic-looking business titans banter some scripted junk about their upcoming carnivals aimed at detroying the self-esteem of the over-valued yet highly comical (can you be brilliant and totally clueless at the same time? Well, yes you can!) and also aimed at destroying any self-respect I have left <insert that sound effect from the Price is Right when you "go over" here>. How uncomfortable was the advertisement? Pretty bad. But...the wonderful thing? I feel a totally renewed sense of snark coming on. It's as energizing as a deep fried turkey set on an elaborately decorated table with hand-penned name cards and glowing golden lanterns hanging from the trees during a warm Connecticut fall. Know what I'm saying?

So here is the deal this year. Just like Ivana, I have had enough of the Donald (Thursdays at 9 on NBC by the way...knock yourself out)! So this time around, I am going to cover Martha (Wednesdays at 8, NBC). Let me just preface the season by telling you that I subscribed to Martha Stewart Living from approximately 1997 to 2003. At some point, I realized that there was no way that I was ever going to do a tiny fraction of that stuff she has in there (sorry, my candy dish will forever be doily-less). And I didn't really care to feel inadequate compared to all the Martha clones that actually make their own socks and butter and stuff (sorry, who are these people?). I am so over it...wait, no I am not. I want to mess up her perfect house and her hair. But I do still enjoy the spectacle of Martha in all her "I am concentrating on my salad" glory. I'm also intrigued by the work done by her publicist. Simply brilliant (you hear that Tom Cruise...call Martha's publicist right away!). All that terse stiffness had to come from somewhere (guesses anyone?). Juxtapose that with the poncho wearing muppet that we now know. I think we may be in for an interesting season. I want to like her, I want to hate her. I really want to see her scold someone! Whee!

Anyway, Chris Woodruff, one of my regulars here (OK if I call you that, Chris?), is going to recap the Donald show and we can cross-link (everyone say welcome Chris!). Chris asked if I would mind of he took a stab at it and I said "Bring the snark! Bring it!"

Hmm, college football is just about to start as well...going to be a busy fall!

PS: for those that are new here...yes, I make up words...and yes, I spell them like that on purpose. It's the price you pay for not having to watch the show yourselves, kids. ; ) You can thank me later!