"Stop asking about presents or I'll burn the tree down"

"Just like on Tila Tukwila"

"She told me I hung a cat off the balcony...in a paper bag"

"I think there's a shortage of nuns"

"My head is lumpy. Want to feel it?"

"Your mom kicked your butt at Guitar Hero"

"She slipped in her own pee" (Hey, where there are toddlers, there are accidents)