Woohoo! I am not the only nut case out there that will not touch stuff in public bathrooms. Airport bathrooms are the worst. In any situation where a potentially snot (or worse) covered fixture needs to be touched, I assess the situation thusly:

1) Can I do it with my foot? Toilet seats, flushers, push doors, etc. A shoed foot is the doer of choice.

2) Can I do it with my butt? Maybe I could do it with my foot, but it's less conspicuous to just back into it. Like, you know, those turnstile doors in hotels. Shoulders work too but that does put your face closer to the potentially offending surface. And besides, baby got back, she might as well use it for something.

3) Will the elbow work? This is the part of my clothes that have been scientifically proven to not be able to touch my face. Go ahead, try to touch your elbow to your face. I'll wait. This is good for situations where the foot or the butt do not provide the appropriate amount of precision and you need something pointy. Applications: faucets, paddle door knobs.

4) Is there a garbage can? If I use a paper towel to do this thing, is there somewhere I can deposit it? And who will see me and do I really care if they think I'm a freak? I have to admit that the people that use the paper towel and then let it drop to the ground drive me nuts. Take it with you and throw it out! Sorry, I'm a fan of order. And not expecting other people to pick up after you. Jerks.

5) Crap, do I have to use my sleeve? This is the last resort. I'm always cold so I almost always have long sleeves on. I can pull it over my hand. And if I have to, I can fold the sleeve up (am I over-thinking this? hah!). One way to ensure that an article of clothing goes straight into the wash is wearing it into a public restroom. Don't even get me started on the hem of the jeans. I may throw up in my mouth a little.

Anyway, I am not sure that these new developments for germaphobes have me any closer to being a fan of Chik-Fil-A (I don't know...I found it kind of doughy and the pickles make no sense at all), but it's nice to see us moving closer to having a target market segment of people like me that don't want to get any boogars on them.