Mourning and compartmentalization (AKA life and how to live it)

re: Mourning and compartmentalization (AKA life and how to live it)

HeatherLeigh — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 01:42:12 GMT

Will, I actually agree with everything that you say, except the "analysis paralysis". What's the paralysis part? Did you mean over-analysis? And then wouldn't reading that book (which I'll look into, thanks for the recomendation) contribute to it? Nothing about the discussion here is keeping me from getting anything done in life. I enjoy investigating these types of things. Yeah, I do personal growth stuff for fun. But hey, if over-analyzing things is bad, then blogs shouldn't exist, especially not this one because all my readers know that news is not an expectation here! I like discussing things that don't have an answer. Trust me, I don't require answers for things that most other people do (like "where did the world come from?"), but bouncing ideas back and forth is part of my DNA. If it's too much for some people, I'll understand if they don't want to be my BFF :)

I'm with you 100% on the legal case. The whole idea that you dion't settle out of court if you aren't guilty is total bunk. Your shortcuts statement was pretty much what I was getting at (probably better said by you). We don't want to deal with "complicated" emotions that invovle acknowledging good and bad at the same time. We are more comfortable with binary decision making.

I'm now wondering whether people think that appreciating someone's art actually gives something back to the artist and since we idealize famous people, we don't want to give anything back to someone who has fallen short of our expectations. See what you did Will? You made me analyze it more. Gee thanks :)

re: Mourning and compartmentalization (AKA life and how to live it)

Will — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 20:43:11 GMT

Very interesting post, but I am wondering if you aren't into 'analysis paralysis'. I have found (being an incredibly introspective person) that a lot of what I worry about doesn't have an 'answer', that doesn't mean that I don't think about it, but I do put bounds on the extent of that thought.

Regarding people who think MJ was a child-molester. I believe that media like the successful fail best, so they jumped all over this story, even though he was acquitted of any wrong-doing in a court of law. 'But what about that kid who settled out of court' you say - I say read the publicly available information and the 'case' against him was very shaky, and he had money, so he settled rather than having his sexual life open to public review. That DOES NOT MAKE HIM GUILTY.

I also disagree with those who need to link the person with the art. I don't know jack about most painters I like - but that doesn't diminish my appreciation for their art, same with music, film etc. I think what we do is use 'shortcuts' so that we don't compartmentalize and thus lump everything together.

You may want to look a the 'ladder of inference' writing as it talks about how and why we form opinions. Basically, we do it because it makes our life easier. If we can 'brand' someone then we don't have to think too much about the nuances of their situations or the divide between the artist and the art.

I think the trick is understanding that there is a balance and to try to be objective.

Regards,

Will

re: Mourning and compartmentalization (AKA life and how to live it)

HeatherLeigh — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 20:22:23 GMT

I think I had a Shawn Cassidy poster.....dreamy! I remember playing Charlie's Angels at recess and we would have such a hard time agreeing on which angel each of us got to be. Nobody wanted to be the Kate Jackson one. :) I also started files on "mysteries" I wanted to solve. I was an interesting kid, I guess. I watched the Farrah dcumentary the other night. She fought like hell.

I was pretty fascinated when "Off the Wall" came out. I never bought an MJ album because the music was so ubiquitous. But I am going to do it now. I forgot how amazing he was. Not at all surprised by his death. Anyone who was paying attention would have seen this coming. Now, I look at his more recent pictures and remind myself that the same person in there is same the guy in the Thriller video. I wonder if it's a matter of an artist being misunderstood in his time.

re: Mourning and compartmentalization (AKA life and how to live it)

KD — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 18:32:52 GMT

I've found as I get older that I'm much more patient and understanding of those that are different from me. Usually, if someone pisses me off, they're more interesting (to a point, of course) because it says something about both them and me.

I've never found that learning more about a great artist has hurt my appreciation of them. Understanding more about where someone came from and what they went through adds layers and complexity. The challenge, though, is to check your sources to make sure they're accurate and unbiased.

For the record, both of these deaths left me sad as well. You and I are pretty close in age, and I'm sure that plays a part. Had the poster, watched the show, bought the albums (awww... remember albums?)

re: Mourning and compartmentalization (AKA life and how to live it)

HeatherLeigh — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 08:22:32 GMT

Uhm, yeah, I don't think so Paul.

re: Mourning and compartmentalization (AKA life and how to live it)

HeatherLeigh — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 08:21:31 GMT

Uhm yeah, I don't think so, Paul. None of that makes sense to me.

re: Mourning and compartmentalization (AKA life and how to live it)

Paul — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 03:55:03 GMT

Interesting ideas Heather, but I don't think you go quite far enough. I believe that the same things that make someone great at one thing are the demons that plague them or make them evil in another context. The two aren't separable, so if you want to appreciate MJ's music, you have to take the insecurities, the plastic surgery, the weird stuff with kids (whether or not anything malicious happened) as part of the package. It's the same person, and the same drivers that make him exceptional and weird in equal parts.

What makes you good at what you do? I think I have an idea, because I believe from your writings that our personalities are fairly similar (and if I'm wrong, it doesn't matter, so let's go with that). Take away the obsessions, the terrier with a puzzle to solve, the things others perceive as a little off-center -- are the things people love and prize about you still as good? I'm guessing not.

There is still right and wrong. There is still me pissing you off or making you feel really great -- sometimes in the same day or even the same conversation. I'll bet there are people that when you ask these questions think you're absolutely mental.

Maturity is understanding that we are all complex, imperfect, and more interesting for it. And the more brilliant you are at one thing, the more likely there's a skeleton waiting to be discovered in a closet somewhere else.

re: Mourning and compartmentalization (AKA life and how to live it)

HeatherLeigh — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 01:14:53 GMT

Phil - cool about your mother! And I agree about the other things you said. :)

re: Mourning and compartmentalization (AKA life and how to live it)

Phil Weber — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 10:08:28 GMT

Within the past few years, I have concluded that (with a few exceptions) the fact that a person behaves or believes differently than I do does not make them "wrong." It's amazing to me how many people seem to wish the whole world (or country) would think and behave just as they do. How much less rich and interesting the world would be if that were the case!

I suspect that my friends and family are growing tired of hearing about this epiphany of mine; I promote it at every opportunity. I only wish I had realized it earlier.

Also, apropos of nothing, my mother dated Ryan O'Neal in high school. :-)

re: Mourning and compartmentalization (AKA life and how to live it)

HeatherLeigh — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 03:01:33 GMT

Well, it's very naive to think that just because someone is charged with something, they are guilty. We will never know *if* it happened. Regardless, he was so incredibly talented and very troubled. It's so sad to see someone so unhappy with themselves even when the world adored them. <sigh>

I'm going to do the trendy thing and go out and download a bunch of his music. I'm reminded of just how awesome an entertainer he was. Sad, sad, sad...no matter what.

NPR had a program today about the very subject that I brought up. Much better articulated, of course. And they had praise for people who are able to not idealize or demonize him. I'll look for the link. Some of the callers into the show scared me a bit.