Tonight at the hotel, I was in search of a pop (I'm from the Midwest so pop=coke=soda). So what do you do? First you check the hotel concierge book and look for where the pop machines are right? Normally they are located right next to the ice machines and in this hotel; they were on each floor next to the 32nd room. I had already gotten semi-comfortable in my room so I gather my $2, my room key and my shirt (I had pants and a wife-beater on, no necessarily proper hall room attire) and venture out shoeless into the hallway hoping that no one will come out of there room in the brief 2 mins it takes me to get my pop.
I get to the ice machine and it is protected by a door that requires my room key. Ice must be protected at all costs since it is an endangered resource that is facing extinction. We don't want just ANYONE walking off with ice. Wiggle, wiggle, push, swipe, wiggle, push, swipe, swipe, wiggle, push, swipe, swipe, push, kick, wiggle, wiggle...finally, I get past the ice guard only to find that there was no vending machine. DAMMIT!!! On to the 6th floor. While waiting for the elevator, an older lady goes for the ice machine. She takes one look at me, (a shoeless, almost shirtless, dark Hispanic in a hotel) and she is pushing, wiggling, swiping like her life depended on it.
"You have to swipe, then pull the knob up and then push it down".
“Thank you" she says, looking relieved that I didn't hit her up for money.
On the 6th Floor, the ice guard didn’t let anyone past the door so I peek inside the window and no vending machine. I JUST WANT A F*&$%iING POP!!! Elevator to the 8th floor. “Ding”.
I peek inside the 8th floor ice guard window and wouldn’t you know it, a sign that reads, "OUT OF ORDER". My late night pop eludes me again. Now the choice, up or down. I chose up to the 9th fl. This time I find a machine. Wiggle, swipe, wiggle, wiggle, swipe, yes! I get past the ice guard and I can now taste my frosty beverage. I give the machine a dollar, push the button and out comes my diet coke...sweeeettt!!. I also wanted a bottle of water, so in with a dollar; push the button, and just when I think my adventure is over, SOLD OUT. Another button, 1.00. Another button...1.00. This machine just ate my dollar. Do I kick it and tilt this dollar thief until it coughs up my water or do I take my shoeless ass back to the room?
10yrs ago, I go back to my room, get my shoes and the iron, and beat the sh*t out this machine until it either gives me money or my water. Today, I go back to my room and blog about it....what a geek.