Holy cow, I wrote a book!
Wow, it's been a long time since
my last rant against food products that are offenses against nature.
Today's rant is against
a product which
Kraft launched in April 2008.
Bagel-fuls (note the hyphen and the lowercase "f")
are a dense, doughy material formed into a log shape,
with a cream cheese filling.
Think of them as
but with cream cheese instead of a sugar
cream filling, and with a dense, doughy substance instead of
whatever alien material it is they make Twinkies out of.
The great thing about this product is that it is an attempt
by Kraft to learn its lesson from a previous failed bagel-like product:
Philadelphia To Go bagel,
a package consisting of a frozen bagel,
a one-ounce tub of cream cheese, and a plastic knife.
For people who are unable to remember where they kept their
cream cheese (hint: the refrigerator) and knives (hint: cutlery drawer).
Apparently, Kraft's conclusion was not that the product failed
because it was too stupid, but rather that it failed because
it was not stupid enough.