An Open Letter from the President of the United States of Google

An Open Letter from the President of the United States of Google

esperandmThe world’s ability to communicate with one another is a key factor in its rapid evolution and economic growth. The Esperanto language was invented last century as a politically neutral language that would foster peace and international understanding. Since the launch, we’ve seen first-hand the benefits of a constructed language:

  • A pure form of communication that is unsullied by cultural context;
  • Broad adoption by as many as 10,000 speakers
  • Independent (yet mostly compatible) dialects that not only bring additional choice for speakers also foster healthy competition and innovation

We expect even more communication between people in the coming year and are therefore focusing our investments in languages that are created based on constructed language principles. To that end, we are changing the spoken and written language of this nation to make it consistent with the form of speech already supported by the Language Creation Society. Specifically, we are supporting the Esperanto and Klingon languages, and will consider adding support for other high-quality constructed languages in the future. Though English plays an important role in speech today, as our goal is to enable open innovation, its further use as a form of communication in this country will be prohibited and our resources directed towards languages that are untainted by real-world usage.

These changes will occur in the next couple months but we are announcing them now to give citizens using other languages an opportunity to translate the libraries of the world into Esperanto.

Dankon, nedankinde!

  • This is an epic win.

  • i wonder if your analogy can be extended to the words "app" and "store".

  • what r u smokin? Esperanto? People control language and grammar, not google or the language creation society. A neutral language? Yea, wait until we get a hold of it.

  • yeah, good luck with that one.

    ~nanoo nanoo!

  • yeah, good luck with that one.

    ~ nanoo, nanoo!

  • +10

  • As every non-native speaker of English knows, you do have to pay to use English. Learning English costs: time, effort and cash. And after all that, you hardly speak it half as well as natives. Time to switch to something more egalitarian and cost-effective.

  • In unrelated news ...

    The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of negotiations, Her Majesty Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

    In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will reseive this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replased with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

    There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replased by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.

    In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always been a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgraful, and they would go.

    By the forth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by "v". During ze fifz year ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining"ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

    After zis fifz year, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trobls or difikultis and evrivum vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru.

    And evrivun vil liv hapili evr aftr.

  • Maybe I'm showing my age, but shouldn't the choice have been Elvish instead of Klingon? Tolkien was a linguist whose languages were fully developed.

  • Hahahahaha; great.

  • Is Tim joking? Esperanto is a notorious and conspicuous failure. Really, except for those who share Zamenhoff's delusions, it should have been obvious it was doomed to failure from the start?

    Why? Because the three most fundamental institutions of ANY culture or society are: property, family and language. So striving for a language "unsullied by cultural context" is a fool's errand. Cultural context is not only unavoidable, it is even a good thing.

    This could be why so many, when confronted with the choice between using natural languages with a cultural context and using Esperanto, chose the former, not the latter. The number who chose the latter is actually quite small.

  • Attaturk's reforms came at the cost of Armenian genocide. This kind of thing gets very bloody, or it doesn't exist.

  • Yes, Google SUCKS! They are the World's largest spammer!

  • coi

    I would strongly suggest the adoption of Lojban in addition to Esparanto and Klingon; Lojban is an easily machine-parsed language designed to avoid ambiguity and dual-meaning.

    For information, see:



  • As for the actual issue at hand, h.264, there are open implementations, Google Chrome is a non-commercial browser (i.e. the source code is available and money does not change hands in order to use it).  I'm not sure I see how they would need to pay royalties or licensing when both of these conditions are true.

    Additionally, who the hell has heard of WebM?  ;)  Isn't Vorbis (OGG + Theora) open and defined by HTML5 as one of the 'official' codecs?  It's been around longer, too.  And why isn't Google dropping Flash support from Chrome?  It's "closed" by every definition of the word.

    And, as noted by others, the irony of this kind of post on a Microsoft-hosted blog is not lost… on anyone.

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