I Nearly Killed a Man Today
I could hear him coming up the stairs outside of my apartment.
*Thump*
*Thump*
[Pause]
*Thump*
*Thump*
Finally, there’s a loud rap at my door. I open it to see a man smelling of cigarette smoke, drenched in sweat, completely out of breath. He gives me a look; a look that says everything I need to know.
A look that says “Who the hell needs this much canned soda?”
“What can I say? Buy 2 get 1 free with free delivery on Diet Coke with Splenda is too good to pass up” my look says right back.
He takes his time moving in case after case into my foyer. Finally he hands me the receipt and I sign his clipboard.
He sighs one last breath of cigarette flavored air into my apartment and begins the long journey down the three flights of stairs to his idling refrigerator truck.
I do feel somewhat guilty. I mean, he probably doesn’t get free grocery delivery and know the joys of not having to carrying cases of heavy stuff up three flights of stairs. Hell, he probably doesn’t even get a smoking cessation benefit. If I could, I’d give him mine since it’s going to no use.
On the bright side I know that I gave someone a good workout. All I can do is hope that his near death experience at delivering my groceries will serve as a message to all of you undergrads that you should pick a career and company that comes with free grocery delivery because it freakin’ rocks.
Mmm, delivered soda…