I don't see why there is any debate in the first place. Tom clearly states who he is and we have no reason to distrust him. He's Tom Bombadil, the eldest.  There before the first acorn. Etc.

If the debate is "is Tom a vala or a maia or some third thing?" I come down on the "he's a maia" side.

Well, clearly they are NOT alright inside, otherwise they'd play consistently.

First figure out whether the problem is in the key mechanism -- has the key itself warped?  Is it rubbing against another key, or against the post which it travels on?  If so, you can just remove the key and sand down the appropriate bits, rebush the hole, etc.

If the problem is in the action then it could be a number of things. The first four things I'd check are:

* is there a lot of "lost motion"?  That is, when you start to move the key, how much play is there before the wippen moves?  There should be very little, but some.  You may be able to adjust the capstan (or stickers) up or down to get it so that there's about a millimetre or so of lost motion. If there's too much lost motion then it can get the whole system out of alignment.  You can probably adjust these by hand or with pliers.

* Is the regulating screw in the right place?  The regulating screw controls the interaction between the wippen, the jack and the hammer, and if it is misadjusted then bad things can happen to the jack.  On some pianos you need a special tool to adjust the regulating screws, but if you're lucky you can do it with needlenose pliers.

* Is the backcheck adjusted properly?  When the hammer springs back from striking the key, does the catcher hit the backcheck squarely and come to a dead stop, or does it hit at some crazy angle and get stuck?  Be very careful adjusting backchecks.  If you don't have a backcheck tool, use several pairs of pliers and try to keep the bends at the bottom of the backcheck wire.

* Is the wippen bushing bad?  Does the wippen move back and forth and hit other wippens?  I have a sticky E on my piano that needs the wippen re-bushed for that reason. Re-bushing a wippen requires special tools which I do not possess.

Step 3: Profit!

Do balrogs have wings?  Of course they do. Didn't you see the movie?  That balrog rocked!

Re: day sailing:  My family sailed albacores when I was a kid.  Not too heavy, but heavy enough to be fairly stable in chop. Long enough to stow a picnic basket. Pretty easy to sail.